


Build a Rocket, Boys

by wjjafm



Category: Ackley Bridge (TV)
Genre: ??? - Freeform, Angst, Anxiety, Depression, Fluff, I promise it gets better, Mentions of Suicide, Multi, Suicide Attempt, Trans Jordan
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-06
Updated: 2018-09-08
Packaged: 2019-07-07 20:18:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15915519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wjjafm/pseuds/wjjafm
Summary: Jordan Wilson is outed as trans to his entire school by an ex girlfriend, and develops an unepected bond with Mr. Bell. He learns about the abuse Jordan faces at home, from his father, and together they try to end it. Cory confides in Naveed, who is going through an identity crisis of his own.





	1. Chapter 1; An Introduction

Plot: Jordan is outed as trans by an ex girlfriend and Steve (Mr. Bell) takes him in. He learns that Jordan's dad is harder on him than Cory because he's trans and is convinced that's why Jordan's mum left. Steve offers his constant support, that Jordan continues to push away because he's scared something will go wrong. Cory seeks support in Naveed, who is struggling with his own identity crisis.

 ------------------

 

Chapter 1. An Introduction to the Wilsons.

 

Summer 2008. The arguing hasn't stopped for at least a few hours, and Jordan is waiting outside with Cory, who's playing Curby by himself. This is all his fault, if he hadn't told mum he felt different on the inside, then she wouldn't be arguing with dad. But, he'd always felt like a boy, why was it such a problem to them? He just wanted them to know.

 

"Sophie, dad is shouting. We need to go in." Cory shakes him. Sophie, right. That's his real name. Cory doesn't know yet. He kicks himself off the wall, and follows Cory in. There are bags in the hall. Are they going on holiday?

 

"Okay, loves," their mum kneels down, she looks sleepy, "Mummy's going away for a bit, yeah? I'll be back to see you soon, I'm going to stay with Nana. Love you both." She presses a single kiss on each of their foreheads, sighs, when she looks at Jordan, and takes her bags with her out the door. Cory can hear his dad upstairs, crying.

 

-

 

That night, they're sat on the same bed, in silence, as they listen to Kevin and his mates shouting at the telly downstairs.

 

"My name's not Sophie anymore." Cory looks at him.

 

"What is it then?"

 

"Jordan. I'm actually a boy." Cory stares for a few seconds, and then he nods.

 

"Jordan. So I've got a little brother now?" Jordan nods back, and then Cory's jumped off his bed.

 

"That's great then! Now we can wrestle." Everything's normal then, and Jordan feels normal.

 

-

 

January 2018. First term of year 11. It all happened over Christmas break, he'd come out to his girlfriend, Olivia, when she asked why he never wanted to do anything physical. They broke up that night, and she promised she wouldn't say anything to anyone when she left.

 

But then she got drunk on New Years.

 

When he walked into school on the 7th of January, he was hit with millions of questions and comments he'd spent 8 years trying his hardest to avoid. After ten minutes of trying not to have a breakdown, Olivia, Cory and himself were called into Mandy's office.

 

"Right then, what's all this about?" Mandy's office is plain, painted with the Ackley Bridge colours and decorated only with a few plants and paintings on the walls.

 

"You should ask Olivia, Miss, going on to random people about stuff that i'n't their business." Cory huffs, leaning back in the chair and crossing his arms.

 

"There have been rumours spreading since before school started that Jordan is transgender, Miss Carter." Mr. Bell is stood at the back, near the door, eyes focused on Jordan. Mandy visibly tenses, clearly not having been made aware of the situation beforehand. She closes her laptop.

 

"Is it true? You need to know these kinds of rumours are very serious, Olivia, and they won't be tolerated here regardless of if they're true or not." Mandy speaks, and Olivia is already going off on a tangent, about how it's 'not her fault she was dating a girl and didn't know it', how 'other people should know too', and then Cory is arguing back, leaning up out of his seat and shouting at her. Mr. Bell closes the blinds, through which Lorraine and a few teachers were watching the argument unfold.

 

"It is true." Jordan sighs, silencing Cory immediately.

 

"Jordan you don't need to-"

 

"Yes! I do, Cory! Cause if it were a lie I wouldn't of told her, would I? And she wouldn't be out to get me for it." He glares at Olivia, who scoffs in her seat.

 

"You've got a week in isolation and two detentions, Olivia. We'll call your parents, you can wait outside with Ms. Bird." Mandy sighs, forcing a polite smile as Mr. Bell opens the door to let Olivia leave. She groans, swinging her bag around with her, blond ponytail swishing as she walks away. Once the door is shut, they all let out a sigh of relief.

 

"Jordan, if you need anything w-"

 

"I don't need owt. I managed before youse all knew, din't I?" He interrupts Mandy before she can finish. This is what he didn't want, being pitied because he's different.

 

"We know you managed, but that doesn't mean we can't offer more support, Jordan. Do you need us to call your dad?" Jordan stiffens, shakes his head, and gets up from his seat.

 

"It's fine, Miss, I'll sort it. Just don't call Dad, yeah?" Cory asks, getting up with Jordan and following him out of the room he's just stormed away from.

 

"What are we gonna do, Steve? I've never had a transgender student." Mandy sighs, again, and leans forward, resting her elbows on the table as she buries her head in her hands.

 

"Hey, it's alright, Mand, we'll sort it. Just don't push him, yeah? It'll be alright." Steve says, and when she nods, he closes the door behind him and into his form room.

 

"Sir, is it true Jordan Wilson's transgendered?" Zain shouts from the back, and a bunch of other kids begin to talk over themselves, debating the topic. Steve lifts his hand.

 

"What doesn't concern school, should stay out of it. The matter's being dealt with and that's all anyone needs to know. Any other questions? About e _ducation_ related issues?" He asks. The kids collectively murmur to themselves.

 

"I don't think it matters, anyway, does it? Jordan's a sound lad." Amin speaks up, and Tahira nods next to him.

 

"He's a pervert. Pretending to be a boy for 8 years? Sick." One of the students speaks up. A group of kids make sounds of agreement, and then the argument breaks out again. Steve bangs his fist on the desk to get their attention.

 

"I won't tolerate any of that hateful talk in this classroom, any other, or anywhere on school property. Neil, if that's how you feel, come see me after school. In detention. Now, take out your form books and sit down so I can check everyone before classes." Some of the kids roll their eyes, others scoff and sigh, and the rest sit patiently. Steve shouldn't be as pent up as he is about this.

-

"Jordan! Jord, mate, you can't just walk out on your first day back!" Cory shouts, stopping at the gate, because his bag's still inside and believe it or not, he cares about his education sometimes. Jordan turns back, and looks at him from the other side of the street.

 

"Watch me, mate!" He turns around, and runs off. Cory sighs.

 

"You alright mate?" He looks back, to find Naveed and Riz behind him.

 

"He's done a runner, I need to go get him." He points in the direction of where Jordan's ran, heading towards their house.

 

"Want us to come?"

 

"Nah, you're alright. Just give me copies of whatever work they're doing, yeah? And if I'm not back by lunch drop my bag off at mine!" He's running off then, after Jordan, before either of them can say anything.


	2. Chapter 2: School

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jordan goes back to school, that's literally it

They're on the top of hill, now. 10AM has rolled around, and Jordan still doesn't look anywhere near capable of returning to school. He's crying into Cory's chest, sat on the ground with him as Cory's trying his hardest to not punch or kick or yell at anything.

 

"You din't deserve it, mate. I'm so sorry she told everyone."

 

"They're all gunner h-ate me, Cor. I weren't ready to tell p-people." Jordan chokes out, tears running down his neck beneath the collar of his shirt.

 

"Hey, I know, mate. Look, it's not easy but we'll manage it, yeah? We always manage everything. Miss Carter was serious about offering support, you know. Dad's not the easiest with that stuff."

 

"Miss Carter d'un't know the first thing about me or the situation, she's just being nice cause that's what teachers are s'posed to do." Jordan hiccups, pushes himself off Cory and stares out, looking down on Ackley Bridge.

 

"Can't wait to leave 'ere, you know. You're comin' with me, and Riz, and Naveed. All youse are comin'. Can't stand it." He spits. It was no secret that Jordan had always hated living here, especially since his mum left and even more so since he'd started high school.

 

"What you gonna do when you leave? School?" Cory asks, and Jordan scoffs, picking the grass out of the ground.

 

"No. Art. Gonna sell all my stuff and do all that. Can't be arsed with school." He's always loved art, even when he was a kid. Cory remembers finding him drawing in the dirt with sticks, or making intricate patterns on car windows in the winter. When he got his first set of paints, he didn't leave his room for days, and when he came out to get snacks he was absolutely covered, head to toe, in glorious combinations of every colour you could imagine. He lived it, breathed it, loved it more than anything in the world.

 

"Reckon you'd be good, then. I could work in a shop for a bit, Riz could learn to be a barber and Nav could work in a pub and do comedy on't weekends. Nas and Missy can come too, and Hayley, we could rent one of them big apartments and live together." He watches as Jordan wipes the tears off his face, wanting so desperately to pull him back into a hug so he could comfort him, but knowing that Jordan values space more than he does.

 

"You know it won't change what people think of you, right? You're still Jordan." He sits up, crossing his legs.

 

"I'm not though, am I? They all know, and they're gonna see me differently no matter how hard they try not to. I'm not Jordan anymore." He's starting to feel numb, like he does when his dad goes off at him about his mum.

 

"Jord, people are just surprised. Nobody knew before this, cause we didn't know anyone before we moved after mum left. It'll just take a while for people to adjust now, I don't think any of 'em have ever met a trans person."

 

"It's fucking shit, man. I hate it, why did she do that?"

 

"Why did you tell her?" Jordan sighs, and throws the grass he's collected back onto the ground.

 

"She wanted to be physical, and I couldn't, she kept pressin' on why I didn't want to do owt. So I sat her down and I told her, and she promised she wouldn't say anything to anyone. But she did. And now I feel like a prick." Cory sighs, he should've known.

 

"I'm sorry, mate. I promise everyone'll get over it, and if they don't I'll smack the idiocy out of 'em." He tries to crack a joke, and Jordan tries to laugh, but all that comes out is a heavy huff of breath.

 

"Right, come on. We may as well go back." Jordan gets up, slings his bag over his shoulder and waits for Cory.

 

"You sure? We can stay here, and I can call Miss Carter after school to explain." He asks, but Jordan just brushes him off.

 

"Can't let them win. If I run off all the time whenever someone mentions summat I'll be 'Jordan the transgender' and 'Jordan the wuss', too. Let's go." Cory smiles, gets up, brushes off his trousers and they make their way down the hill back to school.

 

-

 

Lunch rolls around, at 12:30, and Cory is sat outside on the benches, with Riz and Jordan.

 

"D'you wanna stare any harder? Think your eyes might bulge out of your big 'ed if you do." Riz retorts, gesturing towards the group of girls staring at the boys. They collectively roll their eyes, and walk away. Jordan bumps shoulders with him. Cory is so focused on the notes from the first two lessons to notice that Naveed is approaching the table.

 

"Hey, you alright? How was he before?" Naveed sits down next to him, and speaks quietly, even though Jordan is engaged in conversation with Riz. Cory looks up briefly, and smiles at Naveed.

 

"He's alright now, took a while for him to calm down, though. Din't think anyone would ever find out, you know?" Naveed nods, and shuffles a bit closer.

 

"I was surprised, to be honest. I'm here if you two need owt though, yeah?" He says, and Cory nods, sending him an appreciative smile before he goes back to his notes. He's surprised no one's said anything yet, but then Neil approaches.

 

"So, how are we today?" He smirks, with that arrogant, snotty voice he always uses when he thinks he's being smart. Jordan can just about feel the blood beginning to boil inside him.

 

"If you've got owt to say, just get on with it, mate. I don't have the patience to deal with you and your dipshit mates today." Jordan doesn't even bother to look at them.

 

"Alright, alright, calm down." He holds his hands up in mock surrender, and Jordan scoffs, muttering a snappy 'fuck off' under his breath.

 

"Why so uppity? On your period or summat?" Neil sniggers, elbowing his mates as they laugh with him. Jordan stands up, turns around and punches him right in the gut in one swift movement, Riz is immediately up behind him, arms around his waist, trying to pull him back. He's writhing around, trying as hard as he can to launch himself out of Riz's grip and onto Neil. Cory jumps up, and stands in between Neil and Jordan, shoulders back, chest out, fists clenched.

 

"You better watch your language there, mate, if you wanna keep your teeth I suggest you back the fuck up and go sit somewhere else." He scolds, teeth grinding. Somehow more of their friends have gathered behind Naveed, Riz and Jordan, and Neil begins to walk away.

 

"Your family's fucked up, Wilson." He spits, and struts away with his mates behind him. Cory sits back down, and Riz finally lets go of Jordan, and they sit back down.

 

"You okay?"

 

"Fine. I don't need you to defend me." He moans, crossing his arms on the table, glaring angrily at his half eaten food.

 

"I know, but if you're gonna blow up so easily at comments like that you'll end up with a broken nose by the end of the week." Cory retorts, putting down his notes and looking at Jordan.

 

"I'm just making sure you're safe, mate. You don't need to jump on anyone that says owt, it won't teach 'em anything." Jordan sighs, because he knows it's true. They're just so disrespectful. His stomach starts to turn. Riz wraps an arm around him.

 

"You'll be reet. Give it a week and they'll be a new rumour goin' round and everybody will forget about it." Riz mutters to him, and Jordan nods. Breathe in, breathe out, you're okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> credit to con @intoclosure for giving me inspo, and again josh @closetedcory xxx


	3. confide in me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jordan shares his passion, Tahira tries something new and Steve is conflicted.

A few days after the 'incident', Jordan is asleep in second period, Maths. He hadn't slept the night before, going through the last couple days in his head, and then sitting on the roof until morning. He wakes up when the bell rings to announce break, and shuffles his way towards the door, wiping the sleep out of his eyes, when Mr. Bell walks in.

 

"Hey, Jordan, take a seat?" It sounds like a question, but they both know it isn't, so Jordan sighs, slides his bag off his shoulder and leans against the desk, just as Steve does the same.

 

"How are things?"

 

"Well, besides bein' outed and not sleeping, things are peachy. Why 'm I being kept back?" He asks, still squinting while his eyes adjust to the light.

 

"Just wanted to check up on you. You good to pay attention in your next class?" He shrugs, not like he would if he wasn't half asleep anyway, it's only R.E.

 

"Well, if you're gonna catch up on sleep you can do it in my office. I'm in 't library most of the day so you'll have the room to yourself, but you snore." They both chuckle, and Jordan nods. Steve  gestures for him to leave the room first, and they walk down the hall together. It's empty, mostly, save for a couple of the younger pupils.

 

"How's things at home?"

 

"Same as they normally are, Dad's not home much and Cory's fine."

 

"Why isn't he home?"

 

"Don't act like you don't know why, am not gonna say it." He sighs, he should've known that Jordan wouldn't talk so casually about his dad. He opens the door to his office and closes it behind them.

 

"Sleep on the sofa, I've got a pillow and a blanket in the cupboard, I'll come get you at the end of lesson, yeah?"

 

"Cheers, Mr. Bell. Appreciate it."

 

"No worries, kid." He smiles, and closes the door behind him after shutting the blinds and turning off the lights.

 

 

 

"What was that about?" He just about jumps out of his skin, turning around to see Mandy, eyebrow cocked with an accusatory look on his face. He stutters, and gestures towards his office.

 

"He's not been sleeping, Mand, I can't just let him go through a school day with no sleep after what's happened to him. You get it."

 

"I do, Steve, but you can't give him special treatment just cause of this, it's not fair. You're a teacher."

 

"I- I know, Mandy, but the situation's too close to home. You know what happened, and why I'm bein' like this. The kid needs to know he's got an adult that's there for him, teacher or not." He's got that look on his face, the same one he gets whenever he mentions his past; that pained, almost guilty expression, the one that Mandy can't argue with.

 

"Okay, right, fine. Just don't do it in front of the students, yeah? You know how they'll get. I know you're looking out for him but we need to be professional about it." He sighs, nods, and Mandy leans up to give him a kiss on the cheek.

 

"Love you, babe. He'll be alright, we'll make sure of it." He kisses her forehead, and then she's off, patrolling the halls like she does every day.

 

 

\--

 

_Knock, knock.._

 

"Come in!" It's after school, the bell just rang and Mandy is getting ready to take her work home, when Tahira knocks on the door.

 

"Hi, Miss, sorry to keep you-"

 

"It's alright, love, is everything okay?" She asks, sitting back down in her seat and nodding to the one in front of her. Tahira smiles, sits, and places her hands on her lap.

 

"I was just thinking, after everything that happened with Jordan - what if we make a GSA for the school? I looked it up, it really wouldn't cost much money, just for snacks and the opportunity to have a room for some breaks during the week and Miss Keane says she thinks it's a good idea so I-"

 

"A GSA?" Mandy looks at her.

 

"Oh, it stands for Gay Straight Alliance, Miss. It's like a club where people can come to learn and be open at school about their questions an' stuff." Mandy nods, and smiles, not wanting to express her eagerness straight away.

 

"I can check with the faculty in the morning if that's okay? Come see me at break tomorrow and we can sort something! I think it's a wonderful idea, Tahira. Thanks." She smiles again, and Tahira thanks her before leaving.

 

 

"So? What did she say?" Nasreen asks when she gets around the corner. Her, Missy, Alya and Naveed are waiting, huddled in a little group like they're sharing secrets that nobody else is allowed to hear.

 

"She said she'd talk to the staff in 't morning and sort summat out!" Tahira whisper-yells, filled with delight as she's met with whisper-cheers from the group.

 

"It's a really good idea, T. You gonna lead it?" Missy asks, and Tahira sputters over her words.

 

"What? Oh- oh no, not me, I was thinking you could, or Nas, or even Nav but me? I'm too quiet, couldn't possibly." She nervous laughs, wringing her hands. Naveed places a hand on her shoulder.

 

"It was your idea, babe, you should do it. We'll all be there anyway. Plus me and Missy talk too much as is!" He jokes, met with an offended smack on the arm from Missy. Nas throws her head back, linking arms with her and Tahira, leading them out of the building.

 

"Ackley Bridge GSA, led by the ever so talented Tahira Abad!"

 

"Shut up!"

 

-

 

When Jordan gets home, it's eerily quiet. He's used to some form of noise, whether it's Cory's music, his dad shouting at the telly, even the neighbours and their thin walls, gossiping as per. But today, it's like the whole world's gone silent. He can hear the sound of his heartbeat, every breath he takes. Jordan puts his bag down, slowly, careful not to let it hit the floor too hard, takes his shoes off, and tip toes his way up the stairs, letting the carpeted floor cushion his movements. His dad is nowhere to be seen, probably still on another bender, and Cory mentioned going to the library to study for a couple hours after school, so nobody would be home until 5 at the earliest.

 

He'd not had the house to himself in a while. His fingers begin to twitch, aching to reach for the paints in his drawer, the poster sized canvases he'd bought from The Works a few months ago, that he'd never had the opportunity to use. Before he can talk himself out of it, he's already taking his uniform off and folding it up on his bed for tomorrow, letting out a little sigh of relief when his binder's removed, and reaches for his paint shirt, careful to look down instead of in the mirror. He throws on some old P.E shorts, chucks some newspaper on the floor, and then he's in his element.

 

Squeezing colours out onto his palette, not bothering to start light, or small, or hesitate. He let his body do whatever it wanted, brushing long, thick strokes across the canvas, stepping back every once in a while to admire his mess. Most of the time, he didn't know what would come out of it when he painted like this; sometimes he had a vision for his work. Other times it was just an insatiable need to create, to get out whatever was hiding underneath the surface, and the only time he'd realise what he'd made was when it was done, the need was met, and his body allowed him to put down the brush. Whenever he paints like this, the rest of the world is completely shut out, like he's in a dark room and the spotlight is only on the canvas. For a boy that hides from the world, it's invigorating to be able to be vulnerable, if only to himself. If only for a few hours.

 

Nobody had ever seen him like this, not even Cory, painting blindly, pulling images out of layers upon layers of colour,  because this was when he was himself. Truly himself, the Jordan that only he'd ever seen, and when he steps back after two hours of restless painting, he drops the brush onto the crinkled up paper.

 

It's him. In vivid, excited, soul lifting colour, the kind that makes you feel like you're breathing in new air when you see it. Tearing his way out of a dark, black hole.

 

If only, he thinks to himself.

 

He hears the door shut, and he's back to being the Jordan he puts on for everyone else, gathering the mess onto the Newspaper, sticking the canvas in the corner of his room, behind the wardrobe to dry, along with the others he hides there. He changes into clothes that aren't filthy, and makes his way to the kitchen with his mess to clean it all up. A small wave of happiness crashes over him when he realises it's just Cory and Naveed, Dad still out of sight.

 

"You been paintin'?" Cory asks, setting down the chippy bag on the counter. Jordan nods, and Naveed enters too.

 

"You've still got some on yer cheek, there." He smiles, and grabs plates. He's been here so often sometimes Jordan questions if he and Riz should just live here with them sometimes. Jordan wipes his cheek, trying to ignore the little skip in his heartbeat as the streak of yellow on his hand is washed down the drain. Naveed joins Jordan, picking up a brush and running it under the tap.

 

"Can we see?" He asks, and Cory doesn't skip a beat.

 

"He d'un't even let me see 'em, mate. Hides 'em like treasure." Cory chuckles, not judgingly, he just knows how secretive Jordan is about some of his stuff.

 

"Nah, you can see this one." He speaks surely, but so quietly. Cory tries not to gasp, sucking in a short, harsh breath. Naveed smiles to himself, crosses his arms.

 

"You sure, Jord?"

 

"Yup, better come look before I change me mind." He collects his brushes and palette, chucks the newspaper in the bin and jogs up the stairs, listening to Cory and Naveed following closely. He closes the door behind them, and sits them down on the bed.

 

"Can you not look? Er, till I get it?" He fidgets, winding the hem of his shirt around his hands, stretching the fabric between his fingers. Cory and Naveed both try to move awkwardly around, swivelling their heads so they're looking out of the window. Jordan nods, and begins to pull the easel out into the middle of the room, careful not to knock the canvas. He turns off the light, so they can see it naturally.

 

"Ok, youse can look." He mutters, shifting awkwardly next to the painting. They turn their heads, and if only Jordan had the courage to watch them, how Cory's eyes light up, how Naveed immediately stands, inching closer.

 

"Mate, this is like... Brilliant. It's brilliant." He's mesmerised by the colours, the textures, wanting so badly to reach out and touch them. Cory stands, looks for what feels like forever, and then pulls Jordan into a hug.

 

"You've got so much talent in you, Jord. I don't know why you hide this stuff from people." He speaks, and Jordan lets his body relax, wrapping his arms around his big brother for a few seconds before shrugging his way out of the embrace.

 

"Thanks, lads." He seats himself on the bed, leaving the two standing, and Naveed turns, kneels before him with a giddy smile on his face.

 

"Can we see one more? Please? It's like I'm in one of them art galleries." Jordan lets out a small laugh, and hesitantly nods before gesturing to his wardrobe.

 

"All my paintings are at the side, there. Just be careful." They both move eagerly, sitting themselves down on the floor and whispering in quiet conversation about his work; the textures, the colours, what they think it all means. It feels nice, and Jordan wonders why he'd never let Cory see any of these before.

 

They eventually go downstairs, and play cards against humanity while they eat, knowing that given it's a Friday, their dad won't be back all night, so they put on a film and sleep on the couches. Jordan and Cory on one, Naveed curled up on the other.

 

He falls asleep with the words ' _You've got so much talent in you'_ repeating in his brain like a mantra.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> credits to my usuals, @corywilsons (becca) @closetedcory (josh<3) and @rainbownaveed (jess) thanks fr letting me annoy you constantly w this


	4. leave me be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jordan finds FaceBook comments from Neil, Tahira has her first GSA meeting, and Steve is being eaten away by guilt.

_'It's not like she was honest either, tricked everyone into thinkin' she was normal. Weirdo' ... 'U reckon she's a dyke too lol' ... 'Now a know why Cory's so fucked in the ed hahahaha gotta deal w that when he goes home'._

 

Jordan wants to stop reading the comments on Neil's Facebook post, he really does, but he can't. Eventually, Cory walks into his room, takes the phone, and walks back out, welcoming Jordan to come downstairs to 'be around the people that actually want to speak to him'. He huffs, and kicks himself up off of the bed, lumbering down the stairs and into the living room, squeezing himself in between Riz and Missy.

 

"Eyup, you alright?" Riz asks, locking his phone and letting it fall onto his stomach.

"He's been readin' all them comments off Neil and his mates." Cory says, and is met with sighs, moans and tuts from everyone in the room. Jordan rolls his eyes.

"It's about me, innit? I should be able to look if I want." Riz shrugs, somewhat in agreement, and Tahira shakes her head.

"You shouldn't punish yourself with the stupid shit they're saying, though."

"Not punishment if it en't affecting me, is it? Plus, none of youse know what this is like, none of youse know the position I'm in, so stop assumin'. I don't need to be protected by anyone." He doesn't raise his voice, he just gets up, walks out of the room and into the kitchen. He can hear Cory telling everybody not to bother, that if he wants to talk about it he will. Idiots. He's not _weak._

 

\--

Monday lunch time, Lorraine announces on the intercom that the first GSA meeting will be taking place in five minutes, and for anyone that wants to attend, to go to the drama room. Tahira is shaking, obsessively re arranging the biscuits in a neat pile, making sure the cups are in a straight line, fixing her hijab, anything to keep herself occupied.

"Hey! We left as soon as lesson ended, you okay?" Naveed bursts into the room with Nasreen, Missy and Alya. They all shrug their coats off, place them in the corner and join her in the middle of the room.

"Gunna be honest, I think I've been on the verge of a panic attack for twenty minutes." She breathes heavily, letting Nasreen give her a hug before she reaches for the leaflets. Splitting them between the four of them, she gets ready to open the doors. There's already a few people waiting.

"Give these to people when they come in? It's just like, basic stuff, different sexualities and stuff so people can take them home or summat." They all nod, and then Tahir braces herself. She swings the door open, and doesn't notice her eyes widen, or her cheeks blush when Chloe turns around, and smiles at her.

 

"GSA, yeah? Oh, cheers." She asks, taking one of the leaflets out of Tahira's hand as she walks in, hugs the trio in the middle of the room, and takes a seat at one of the tables. Tahira only remembers that there's other people walking in when one of them asks if they can get a leaflet.

\--

"So, yeah! Thanks for coming today, guys, we don't have much time left cause they only gave us fifteen minutes for the first meeting to see how it went. If you've got any questions you can ask now or at the next meeting on Friday, if you come again." She beams. It couldn't of gone better if she'd tried, everyone had been so welcoming, even Zain had come, sitting next to Amin and asking him about stuff he didn't understand.

"Why ent Jordan here?" Zain blurts, once again his mouth opening up before his brain can approve what he's thinking.

"Er, he's got stuff going on. He'll come eventually." Nasreen interjects, smiling politely when Zain 'aah's and nods.

 

After a few more minutes of conversation, the bell rings, which means they've got five minutes until they need to be at lesson. Tahira thanks everyone again, and sees them all off before she goes to tidy up, excitement bubbling around inside her.

"Hey, T. That was really good." She hadn't realised Chloe was still in the room, leaning against the desks. Tahira puts the rubbish in the bin.

"Thanks, Chlo, I was really nervous.," Tahira brushes crumbs off her trousers, picking up her blazer and bag, "I appreciate you comin'." Chloe looks her up and down, brushing a strand of hair out of her face, and picks up her bag too. They head out of the room and down to English, where they both have a lesson.

"No worries, Mum said sorry she couldn't come, she had to deal with some year 8's havin' domestics. It was nice, though, think it's something the school needs. Nobody would lead it better than you." She comments in a sportive, bouncy tone. Tahira sputters, fumbling over her words like she's trying to keep them in her mouth. She smiles.

"Well, I'll see you later, yeah?" Chloe asks, before turning the corner and heading down to the classroom, Tahira clicks her tongue, rolls her eyes at her own awkwardness and walks into her own class, trying not to look like a pouty child.

 

\--

To say Steve had been in a bad headspace for the last week would be an understatement. Mandy had convinced him to stay home that Monday, after she'd woken up to find him crying in the kitchen, hunched over a box of letters and a bottle of rum. He wanted so desperately to help, to not let the guilt eat away at him from the inside out, he could feel it consuming him little by little every day, pain pulling on his heart strings, making him feel hollow. Is it selfish to want to help someone so it stops hurting you?

 

_Steve,_

_I'm so sorry, please know that, if I could stay I would.  I'll miss you, know that this isn't your fault._

_I wish I could be what you want me to be, but I can't._

_I love you so much, never forget it._

_Anna_ _._

\--

Jordan wakes up in the morning to the worst, most ear splitting headache he'd ever had, so Cory let him stay off. He'd rang Mandy before he went off to school himself, and explained the situation, and then he left Jordan in bed with the laptop, a cold flannel and some sweets. The only problem was, his Dad was home.

Jordan had tried his best to avoid him, waiting until he was downstairs to go to the bathroom, using his earphones so the shows he was watching didn't cause any annoyance. Not that he was always aggressive, Jordan didn't want to paint his dad to be worse than he was, but he was unpredictable. One minute he was fine, getting along with everyone, being affectionate even. Then, he'd be blowing up at the smallest things, taking his anger out on Jordan every opportunity he could get. He hated hating his dad, because he was sick. His doctors told him he was sick, and he had piles upon piles of medications they'd tried to give him that he'd refused to take. Jordan felt guilty, knowing that e hated a man that didn't realise what he was doing half the time. Cory had tried to convince him that regardless of his sickness, he shouldn't be like that, so _abusive_ but Jordan couldn't see past it. He felt too guilty.

So when Jordan thinks he's gone back downstairs, he pads his way to the bathroom, only for Kevin to come galumphing out of the bathroom, walking right into Jordan, knocking him back a few steps.

"Watch yourself, brat." He spits, that same fiery look in his eyes. Jordan fumbles, muttering out an apology, trying to slither out of the way. Kevin pushes his shoulder, and Jordan gulps when he hits the wall.

"Sorry, Dad." His voice is meek, and so careful, like if he slips up at all Kevin might take his vocal chords off of him. Kevin grunts, and continues on his way, skulking down the stairs.

Jordan only cries when he's back in his room, because he knows it's his fault, it must be, because he never touches Cory. He never lays a finger on him, cause he didn't make mum leave. It's all his fault, and he curls up under his covers, crying as quietly as he can, until he falls asleep to the sound of his breathing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> credits to my loves as per <3 updates will come slower starting tomorrow, gotta train!! chapters will get longer when I have the energy hHhHH thank u for readin!!!!!

**Author's Note:**

> credit to becca, josh and jess (@corywilsons, @rainbownaveed and @closetedcory on twt!) for supporting this & helping me out <3 also disclaimer: I am trans! if you have anything you'd like to discuss my twitter is @dewymlm and u can DM me :)


End file.
